Angalappan, originally written December 2013.

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December 2013

Angalappan. That's his name. A little boy in India, with very little income and not a whole lot of opportunity.

I've been quite honest about all of the horrendous, monstrous emotions which seem to crawl out of thin air when you're fighting the battle of infertility or recurrent loss (or both, in my case). They're dreadful and so easily all consuming. If you let them be.

I'm keenly aware sometimes of just how selfish procreating can be. Why create more children when there are so many helpless children in need out there already? No, I do not need a lecture on the reasoning. I know it probably has a lot to do with natural instinct, or genes, or God...or any combination of those beliefs, depending on who you ask.

While we're not at the point of considering adoption (although some days I do let my mind wander), I'm also not naive to the situation beyond our four walls.

So I decided to try and turn it around. Turn all of those terrible, hideous, negative emotions into something positive. Maybe we haven't been able to successfully procreate yet. Maybe we're not quite ready to dive into the world of adoption. But that doesn't mean I'm not able to do something else.

To help someone else.

I decided to donate monthly to a charity, to sponsor a 3 year old boy in India who it could be said is less fortunate than ourselves. I may not have a baby yet but I do have a baby fund that I contribute to monthly. Why not contribute to someone out there who's in need now?

I won't go into details about the charity I chose because, at the end of the day, it matters little. What matters is that I'm hopefully helping. I'm channeling all of those negative emotions into something positive.  And that's a change I can get behind. 

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