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Now sure, one could argue that I need to work on my self-esteem. I think we could all probably use more of the good stuff while we're being honest but I believe this discontent of mine might run a little deeper than that. I watched my body do amazing things during pregnancy, expanding and changing in ways I only imagined in my dreams to be possible. I know I'm physically capable of more than I'm giving myself credit for and I want to be healthier. I want to work hard and sweat, without getting irritated in the process. I want to be a good role model for my daughter and not just value thinness, as this society so often does, but to value health. To use my body and not shy away from sports or other physical activities because I feel inferior. I want my daughter instead to both be and feel strong.
I'm trying. I think that's all that matters at the moment. It isn't easy with a young child to find time but there will be many more beach days now that we live less than an hour from the shore. I really want to enjoy those days with the sand between my toes, without the guilt, for her sake and mine. She's worth it.