Secret Diary Post #1, originally written June 28th, 2012.

See the disclaimer here.

June 28, 2012

This post is being written in secret, with my fingers crossed that I don't accidentally hit the Publish button. You've been mistakenly under the impression that I've been neglecting my blog for all the barren space it's been accumulating lately. Or better yet, you probably haven't even noticed because my lack of content has dissuaded you from bothering to check. Regardless, my little pansies, this has not been the case. I am writing under cover, in the hopes of one day providing full disclosure...

It amazes me how much of a negative thing can be spun into a positive, if you look at it the right way. It truly is about the eye of the beholder. You think I'm shy? Nah, that's just me being politely demure. Quiet? That's just me being deeply intellectual without you knowing it. Hah! So, with that explained, my middle name is not Patience. This, one could argue, is a very negative attribute to possess. I, however, will argue that it makes me a do-er. I take action. I make plans. And typically, I accomplish what I set out to complete, like yesterday. This is all good and well except for when it comes to one of life's little nuances...

Babies.

We spend our entire lives trying to avoid the infamous two pink lines on that pee stick, that when you finally get the green light for go, it feels utterly foreign. Most females my age, I've discovered, share a similar fear landscape as myself - What if I can't get pregnant? What if something's wrong with me? The problem, you see, is that you just don't know until you try. And that folks is right where I'm at. Trying. Not doing, mind you. Just trying. It's a really devilish thing to do. This is the period (no pun intended) when you find yourself looking longingly at those who accidentally end up pregnant with awe. If that's not a spin on ironic, than I don't know what is! In all seriousness though, it can be a really frustrating process. 1) I only have 12 20% chances in a year. 2) It really DOES feel like something's wrong if it doesn't happen in the first month. Or the month after. 3) I have waited THIS long and now I have to wait even longer?! I remember being young, very young, and informing my mom that I wanted to start investing in baby gear. This way, I would have an entire chest full of goodies for when the time came to welcome my little bundle of joy into the world. Phew! Glad I didn't waste my money on that one. I don't think they even knew what BPA was in those good ole days. Any who, you get my point. Waiting can be frustrating, especially when you're a Type A like myself. I've already digested every morsel of information I can get my hands on regarding the subject matter and am now a master at differentiating times of the month. Baby books have already been purchased, which brings me to my next point. I'm currently finding great entertainment in reading, "Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother-to-be."

It's been completely reassuring and humorous to read about someone entirely unlike myself and her approach to pregnancy. It's surprisingly relaxing and so I would, so far, recommend it to anyone who is praying every other two weeks for those two pink lines.