Hopeless optimism, originally written February 7th, 2014.

See the disclaimer here.

February 7, 2014

I'm bubbling over with excitement. The devil on my shoulder, who whispers about realistic expectations, statistics and all other means of deflating my pretty red balloon, has been kept away for today. In fact, I'm celebrating this evening with an indulgence of pizza, soda (which I rarely consume) and a good movie, all in my pj's and the great company of my husband.

This morning I shuttled the specimen to the office, tucked under my coat and wrapped in a scarf I had previously warmed up around my neck. I felt like I was toting a precious gift. When I got into the room and was told afterwards to lay still for 10 minutes, I gazed at the blank ultrasound and pictured a small beating heart. Comforting is the only word I can use to describe it.

I'll never get a do-over. There's only one first IUI experience and so far mine has been lovely. The hopeless optimism overflowing today is amazing and such a welcome treat against the stark reality and disappointment of so many months. I know it could all vanish in two weeks with the sight of one lonely line, but for now I'm basking in the possibilities of the future.

It's beautiful and new and I'm loving it. You'd swear I was already pregnant from the way I feel like I'm carrying around a special present in my belly. Already.

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